Inside This Mind.

08.04.2005 * 10:03 p.m.
"Tin Roof! Rusted." *

I can't breathe tonight.
My cough has been better but is still especially terrible in the mornings. Today I had to lean on the wall for support during a morning coughing fit. Every muscle in my back ached from all of the force I was using. The rest of the day was fine, but tonight my lungs have felt tight. I used my inhaler but all that did was make my hands shake. I went for a walk to get fresh air but that didn't do the trick either. I'm finally able to take deep breaths without feeling like angry hands are squeezing my lungs closed. This whole situation is annoying. I have enough problems without having to worry if something as essential as my respiratory system is working properly. Seriously.

I sat at the edge of my pool tonight and dangled my legs into the water. In the moon-like light of my neighbor's rude flood lights, I could see the ripples my movements made in the water. I stared at the waves without really thinking but with a mind so full it overflowed. Those waves, ripples on a smooth surface caused by motion underneath. I know what it feels like to be the surface of that water.

*My dad is listening to music on his computer. Right now it's the B52s, "Love Shack." This would be the second time I've heard this song today. Weird.

The couple behind me in line at Costco today made me angry with all their smoocharoos and him trying to get her to talk pretty and say nice things. Okay, so it didn't make me angry... it actually kind of made me smile.
(The thought of you makes me smile.)

08.03.2005 * 8:46 p.m.
bargain shopper.

I've been carrying a $30 JC Penny's giftcard in my purse for a while. Since it was a college graduation gift and I graduated a month and a half ago, I figured I ought to use it now. I went to the mall and was delighted to find JC Penny's having a big clearance sale. Heck Yes! I got a couple of nice looking girly shirts but the highlight of my purchases is a knee-length lime green pleated skirt. That's right, Lime Green. I know I probably won't end up wearing it as much as I'd like because there are only so many shirts with which it can be worn. And let's face it, something of this color is going to require a certain mood on my part. But I'm excited. It's always exhilerating when I get new clothes for free. Thanks, mom's cousin!

Driving, the sight of Mount Diablo made me think of Nathaniel. Especially after passing by some goofy bicyclists. hmmm. When I whine and say "I'm a fool" Ian just responds with, "a fool in love." And he's not wrong.