Inside This Mind.

01.02.2006 * 11:51 a.m.
I hate this.

I already really really don't like 2006.

I know, that's terrible of me, we're only on day two here, but if these days are any indication of what follows, well, I don't know if I'll be able to handle what comes my way after all.

I should have told them "No." My parents have been planning this trip to Hawaii for a while now and after recent family drama when they asked me if I was still okay with them leaving, I just should have told them a big fat NO. Because I am not okay with this situation. My (older, but mentally ill) brother treats me with no respect and makes idiotic decisions and generally acts like a manic hyperactive sixteen year old every time we're left at home alone. I do not like being in charge, I do not like his behavior, I highly doubt that he is taking his medication, and I really dislike the way he knows how to pull at my strings. Why does he have to be so hurtful to me?
When my parents call in a few hours to tell me they're in Hawaii I'll probably start crying and beg them to come back. Since I dropped them off at 5:30 this morning my brother has been a burden that I don't know how to carry. I don't know how to deal with him. I can't spend the entire week feeling uncomfortable and crying every twenty minutes. I've got enough stress to deal with starting school tomorrow, and the only person I really want near me, the only person who can instill in me a strange sense of safety and comfort is completely out of my reach until the fall of 2007. And I don't want to be here right now.

Maybe this is really pathetic of me, but I want my mommie.