Inside This Mind.

08.30.2006 * 6:33 p.m.
Identity crisis.

Yesterday during recess I showed a little first grader where the bathrooms are. As I walked him down the hall, we passed some restrooms that are for the staff's use. Being an observant child with a very definite need to use a toilet, he saw those bathrooms and asked if they were the ones he could use. I responded, "No, those are only for grown-ups."

Then I thought about what I said. I use those bathrooms several times a day. (What can I say - my kidneys do their job well and my bladder isn't made of steel.) Does that make me a grown-up? I can't figure it out exactly, but all of the signs seem to point to "yes." I don't feel like a grown-up. Sure, I'm the teacher and I get to tell these kids what to do, and yeah, I can legally drive, vote, and pay my own bills (kind of), but I still don't feel all grown up.

Maybe it's because I'm living with my parents. Maybe it's because I'm student teaching at the elementary school I attended as a child. Maybe it's because I very rarely fix my own meals, thanks to my mom and my boyfriend.
I don't know...
I'm hoping it has a little more to do with the person that I am inside. To me, a grown-up will always be someone who is at least five years older than myself. A grown up will always be someone who is at least one step ahead of my current situation in life. Grown-ups are parents. When I have kids I'm sure that grown-ups will be redefined to mean parents with children who no longer live at home. It will just progress on and on, the meaning constantly changing to grandparent, retired, great-grandparent, etc.

I am young, but more importantly, I am young at heart. I hope I always stay that way.

And the next time an elementary student asks me if he can use the staff bathrooms I will say, "No, those are only for teachers." and then I will skip down the hall back to class.