Inside This Mind.

03.24.2005 * 11:21 p.m.
i miss him...

Back in SB just in time for cancelled plans. Now I've got nothing but freedom and I don't know what to do with myself. The drive down was not as good as the drive up, mostly due to the emptiness in the seat next to mine. However, there were less bug guts splattered on my windshield at the end of the day this time around.
I can't believe how tired I am or how strange my head feels. I think it's time to crash into a pillow. Goodnight my beautiful ones.

03.23.2005 * 12:20 a.m.
I went to Target twice today.

Driving around my L-more today I realized that the past few visits home have been different from all the others of my college career. That realization is extremely empowering. Here it is: I do not associate being home with the presence of Elder Bestfriend. It's so refreshing. Sure, I miss him more when I'm here than when I'm elsewhere in the world, but I don't miss him much and I don't long to see him. I finally feel free! AND I LOVE IT!!! (Not that I have any problems with the kid. On the contrary, he is a very dear friend, but I feel liberated from a strange mental association that tied this town to him. Thank goodness that's done.) This is oh so refreshing.

Today has been wonderfully spent with old, dear friends. I had lunch with Aaron and Heather. I spent quite a bit of time at Amanda's this evening. Holy crap I love these people; I have known them for so long, I'm extremely grateful that we're still in touch. I don't know how I got so lucky. I also don't know how Alysia got so darn cute. Wait, yes I do... her mother is gorgeous. Wow, my friends are all grown up. When did that happen? When did I blink?

In other news, I looked in the direction of Mount Diablo earlier today thinking of a certain boy and his brutal biking workout. I couldn't see the mountain, just dark rainclouds where it should have stood, but I knew both it and he were there beyond the clouds. I've been busy all day, happy all day, enjoying the company of friends and family all day. But I couldn't get him out of my brain. All day. There is something amazing about this boy that I just can't get around. I can't quite grasp what it is that makes him different, but it's incredible and I desperately want to hold on to him and not let go.
Here's hoping.