Inside This Mind.

06.25.2005 * 1:42 a.m.
And I will never be the same.

I went to a dance with friends tonight. It was as good as dances tend to be, too much ghetto music, over-active fog machines, and so-so djs. I didn't even win the concert tickets for Vanilla Ice (what?!), Hoobastank, or Lonestar that were raffled off. I danced with only the three boys that I knew, aside from some strange kid that taught several of us a Finnish folk dance. Oh, and I watched Lib bust out like Napoleanna Dynamite herself. She's highly entertaining.

The night ends with me rapidly changing into my pajamas and walking to the sink for bedtime rituals. I paused to look at myself in the mirror, stared eye to eye with my reflection and realized... My evening was loads of fun, I thoroughly enjoyed the company of my friends and dancing amid strangers with reckless abandon. I, of course, thought of him numerous times throughout the night but that did not hinder my laughter or smile, it probably enhanced them. Yes, I was missing someone, but what he has given me, what he has made of me, fills my being with something so pure and amazing I can't put it into words. I can feel lonely but it is impossible for me to feel empty. This is the greatest feeling in the world.

06.24.2005 * 2:24 p.m.
I've got sand all over.

Lying on the beach this morning, I watched light get reflected by the hot surface of the sand. I watched white wisps of fog blow in from the ocean and speed around me. The sights made me happy. The sun felt so hot on my face and the foggy air felt so cool on my arms that, had the bugs not been jumping on me and buzzing in my ears, I could have fallen asleep there with my hat over my face.
My soggy shorts and I took a seat in my car and rocked out to Stairway to Heaven while I drove to a new location. My commune with nature resumed at Lake Los Carneros. I greatly enjoyed my walk and there were ducks and geese to keep me entertained, so that made it even better.

Yesterday I got to see my roommate for the first time in 10 days. We hung out for maybe thirty minutes while she repacked her bag for another vacation. She brought me a long drab green hippy skirt from Paris! She loves me, she really loves me! And now she's gone again and I miss her. At least I have my own room when she's away, that's kind of refreshing.

I just finished looking through a bunch of pictures on my computer. I'm glad I have them. I've got some amazing memories from this year and they can be kept vivid with the help of my many photos. Oh, and I can admire how extremely good looking my friends are. (You are so good looking.)