Inside This Mind.

08.02.2005 * 10:46 p.m.
i'm on antibiotics. woot.

The air is a little cooler this evening, maybe because it didn't quite reach 90 degrees today. A gentle breeze is blowing, the kind of breeze that makes the skin on my face feel clean and the tops of the trees gently whisper. As we walked down familiar streets I listened to the rhythmic clicking of my dog's toenails and watched the lined sidewalk pass beneath our feet. I studied the silhouette of my shadow cast before me by the yellow streetlights. I observed the curves of my body that some people think don't exist on the basis that I'm thin and they figure I must be as straight as a board. Maybe they've never really looked at me. Walking, gazing down at this image of myself, I wondered what people see when they look at me. I wonder if people see me at all. There was a time in my life when I secretly feared that people would not be able to tell if I was a boy or a girl because I never felt that I looked terribly feminine. I know better than that now. Even though I don't exude femininity I know that someone would have to be a fool to mistake me for a boy. But still I wonder, what do I look like to others? Walking in the growing darkness of evening, I glare at the brightness of the headlights of passing cars. I can see nothing of the driver inside but I know that I am completely illuminated to their view. I wonder if they even notice.

Tomorrow we'll walk in a different circuit around this neighborhood that I've called home for twelve years. I can't smell the ocean, but in the fresh evening air, breathing easily, I am reminded that I do like it here.