Inside This Mind.

08.21.2005 * 10:58 p.m.
Love is beautiful.

Exciting new development: I made two (maybe three) friends today at church. I'm planning on attending LDS activities on three seperate evenings this week. That makes me happy.

I just saw The Notebook for the first time. That movie is dangerously intoxicating to a hopelessly hopeful romantic such as myself.

It's bed time. Tomorrow I'll awake to the start of another week. And I'll just keep pressing on.

08.20.2005 * 4:52 p.m.
warm summer day

It's a lovely day. My urge to be outside is fighting with a little warning label on my antibiotics' bottle that says I should limit my exposure to sunlight. To compromise I drove the long way to Barnes & Noble with my windows down. The yellow hills north of town feel foreign yet familiar at once. The air smells like home but I feel so far away from where I belong. Where do I belong? I have no idea but I've come to believe that it is not a location, at least not a location on this earth. This past year my favorite place was the crook of his neck where my face nuzzled warmly when we hugged. That felt like home. I have been a vagabond since that haven became unavailable to me.

I bought a book, a CSET study guide. Since I'm paying $222 to take this test in a few weeks I should probably do my best to pass it in its entirety. I could have paid ten dollars less for the book if I had bought it online but for some reason I felt the need to have it in my hands today. I'm a fool.

I managed to hit an absurd amount of red lights on the drive home. Nearly every single intersection was taunting me with a red light. Is that an omen? Probably not, but it was certainly annoying.

08.19.2005 * 9:07 p.m.
Ten.

I love my parents but spending time out with them is terrifying. Their lives aren't too eventful so it's no surprise that they get enthusiastic when talking about things that are utterly boring. But oh wow, I don't want to become that way. Obviously, one day I will be old(ish) like them and I'll sit around at dinner talking about trivial things the same way. Is that all I have to look forward to in life? I know it's not. I know there is so much lying ahead waiting to happen, but it all seems so far away. The life that I want feels like make believe.

I ate an enchilada tonight but it wasn't as good as the ones we made in my kitchen on a Sunday.