Inside This Mind.

09.22.2004 * 11:38 p.m.
"pedro offers you his protection."

this is it... the summer is dying. i will awake tomorrow and attend the first class of my senior year of college at 8am. and then this thing that i have enjoyed for the past few months will truly be over.
i used to feel jittery and excited at the beginning of a new school year. now i just feel tired. don't get me wrong, i'm happy and there remains a tingle of the "what's going to happen next?!?!" excitement, but it's not as energetic as it was when i was nine years old and rainbows lurked behind every corner. it's a pity, but it's real life. overall, i've got nothing to complain about.
my friends are amazing. my summer has been amazing. this year will be amazing. besides, i just saw Napoleon Dynamite for free and few things could possibly be better than that.
hang in there college kids, we're going to be a-okay. :)

09.22.2004 * 12:27 a.m.
he's leaving early.

i keep forgetting to post this, (it's also located to the right under the link that says "more photos".) that's right. take a brief, randomly eclectic look into my summer fun by perusing those photos. there are a few extremely attractive ones worth gazing at.

i also feel it is necessary to mention just how amazingly wonderful my friends are. i love them. a lot. especially my roommates. how did i get so lucky? man oh man....

and the headlines in today's news (let's not take the word "headline" too literally, seeing as how this is at the end of my entry): Dugless got a call from the MTC today, they want him to report one week earlier. the kid is leaving for his mission one week sooner than planned. that means i must get the saturday off work one week earlier than what i've got scheduled. hopefully it will be okay, because i must be home for his last weekend in town. i will not miss his farewell. suddenly, the reality of it all hit me today. the boy who helped change my life, who was my first love, who knows me inside and out, who is my best friend, is really going to serve a mission. i am so happy, yet so, umm... see... i won't be able to call him. i won't see him when i go home for holidays. i won't be able to hear his jolly laugh for TWO YEARS. i think cutting out communication down to letters only is really going to make me miss him. yeah, i'm really going to miss him. this is weird.

i don't know why i'm still awake. i should be sleeping right now. go look at my pictures.

09.21.2004 * 12:42 p.m.
gah!

the second i'm alone, it happens. i have been super all morning, running errands, visiting my lovely yanika, riding my bike about. then i get home and my roommates disperse to their own various activities. and here i am, alone, doing anything to keep myself busy so that i don't fall into the trap that my brain makes for myself. a one-tracked mind- that's what i've got in my head. but i must hold off until tomorrow. must... fight.... the urge....

who am i kidding? i'll call him tonight for sure. wonderful. i'm a fool.

09.20.2004 * 10:11 p.m.
one... two... three... four... five... six...

if i close my eyes, take several deep breaths and count to ten, i'd probably still be stressed out. i'd probably still feel overwhelmed by life in general. i'd probably still feel in love and confused. i'd probably still be worried. but at least i would have taken ten seconds to close my eyes and relax.

yesterday was good. excellent even. church was followed by talking with roommates was followed by a houseful of friends. then i saw Daina (yay!) and it was wonderful to just spend some time with her and her roomy. just chat and laugh and be happy to see someone who was very close to me before. she's such a wonderful and amazing woman, i'm looking forward to spending time with her again.

then i came home, proceeded to get yelled at by my landlords as they dangled the threat of "eviction notice" over my head. but it worked out okay, just a misunderstanding with a soon to be new roommate. hopefully everything continues to go well with that situation and i can cross one of the "eek, stressful" situations off of my list of many. that would be nice.

i talked with my group of pseudo-school-town parents today and felt much better. i like adults. i'm especially looking forward to my mommie visiting me friday. that will be some much needed whiney/wah wah mommie time. thank goodness for that.

there are amazing roommates and mckay in my living room. i should definitely be out there conversing with them. so please excuse me.