Inside This Mind.

06.17.2005 * 11:42 a.m.
Delicious.

My roommate told me to eat her cereal while she's away. Fruity Pebbles look like fish food. Maybe that's why the goldfish looks to lively while I'm eating it in front of him.

06.16.2005 * 6:27 p.m.
he keeps his territory marked.

I feel hectic and messy inside. I spent the morning planning and researching and trying to make my future seem do-able. That proved harder than I had hoped. I had a couple of meltdowns complete with crying and excessive amounts of self-pity. That was fun. Thankfully, I know an amazing young man who cares about me and worries when I'm not okay. Feeling lost and confused is bad enough as it is, feeling that way and being entirely alone is even worse. I appreciate him and his phone calls today more than he knows. I also appreciate the friendship of my buddy Ian. Thanks boys.

Anyhow, I want to get into a teaching credential program that begins in January and I think I can make it happen. I'm going to move home to do so, which is good and wonderful and financially very wise. I just fear the public stigma and general reputation of having become a loser. Yes, these are my secret fears... Hold on a second! I'm more amazing than all of that! When did I start caring what the general public thinks of me? I know I'm not a loser, and I know I have more resolve than to be sucked into the trap of the perpetual L-more existence, so I will be okay. I guess I just need to swallow my pride on this one and shut the crap up.
I've got standardized tests to take and applications to fill out and jobs to find and yadda yadda before all of this will be resolved, but at least my plan is formulating into something I can actually see. That makes me feel better.

I had a leisurely lunch with Rachel. We sat and talked a lot, walked and talked a lot, then sat and talked some more. It was nice. I really love her. That's been two old friends in two days. I hope I keep this pattern up for the summer because I didn't spend enough time with any of those people this whole year. Hmmm...

Now I need to go fill my time with wacky activities that magically give me energy. Good luck in all of your adventures.

(hahaha! You don't want to throw anything at me because you don't want to hurt me since you're going to need me later! I think that's a good plan.)