Inside This Mind.

01.04.2006 * 5:22 p.m.
hopefully i'll sleep in my own bed tonight.

There is a place just beyond the reach of my fingertips where everything is great. Like a word stuck on the tip of my tongue, I know that I am close to something magnificent but I keep missing the mark. My existence is messy right now. Some aspects are horribly wrong but other pieces seem so right that the fragile balance has been thrown and left me dizzy with the recoil. The unnatural ball of anxious fear in my stomach is weighing me down. My first class and the subsequent realization that this teaching program is a perfect fit for me is bringing me comfort. The knowledge that I am loved by so many is lifting me up. The peace of the Holy Spirit in my life lightens my load tremendously. But the cruel reality of the situation regarding my only sibling breaks my heart and stretches my emotions. I'm trying to regain my footing after the past couple of days. I'm feeling good, I'm feeling strong, but there is a doubt of the unknown, looming future that prevents me from looking too far ahead.

I know what I want, I just have to get there. I'm pretty sure I'll make it eventually, despite the road looking hard right now. And though 2006 is sucking so far, I have decided that it will get better, so it will. (I know it will brighten up for you too, my sweeties.)

And in case you somehow forgot: I've got Chaney on the brainy. (That's my newest slogan. I think it's a keeper.)