Inside This Mind.

05.10.2006 * 3:19 p.m.
"So they may have a chance of finding a place where they're far more suited than here..."

A few words scribbled in pen by a Spaniard in Texas are causing a unique feeling of liberation to enter my heart.
This is odd.
He told me what I already felt and already knew but had not fully recognized; We are not meant to be together in the end.

This puts me in a new position. I'm a little bit sad because the reality of the situation has now been put into words which have given it weight, have given it meaning. I'm a little bit happy because this means I can really, actually, let go. (I admit, I have been trying to hold on.)

This is a good thing.
What we had was meant to exist in that time and that place. The individual growth he and I experienced during those months we shared were vital to our lives and development. Those moments were precious and will be treasured because they helped shape the spirit that is living in my body today. But those moments are gone.

I have someone new.
I admit, I do compare them from time to time. My current relationship is different than the last, I am confident in saying that it is in fact better. This Cowboy is amazing in so many ways that the Spaniard was not, but the Spaniard is amazing is so many ways that the Cowboy might never be. I'm growing up, I'm looking towards the horizon, but I'm not sure if I'm seeing everything I want for myself there. I'm not sure of what it is I want, exactly.

My heart is an interesting place with a lot of sharp corners and small hiding places. A person could easily get lost in there... Good thing Cowboy's new cell phone has a built in flashlight.