Check out my dad's photography:
Cheshire Cat Photo
Guestbook * Notes
The Past Five:
No more monkeys jumping on the bed...
is this goodbye? only sort of.
AND I baked cookies this week!
11.12.2006 * 7:43 p.m.
I enjoyed sitting by my "extended family" at church today...
It is true, I have made comparisons between them. Yes, I refered to the way one "never let me break up with him" as something similar to my present situation. Tonight he told me that he would like to think that we are both in this because we want to be in this. He wants to make sure that I am perfectly aware of the fact that I know where the door is and no one is preventing me from leaving. He doesn't want me to say to him, years from now, "I told you when we started dating that this wasn't going to work, but you didn't let me leave then..." as I walk out the door. I don't want to be in that situation either.
I want two very different things. I want what the Church can give me, I want a man who will be that conduit, I want the Mormon fairy tale with all of its dream-like frills. I also want this cowboy, this strong love and protection, this tangible reality that is not so seemingly hard to reach.
I'm not ready to give up either, but the fact is, I get one or the other. I can't have both.
Tonight he said to me, "I want to give you a ring, but I'm not going to give you one unless I know we're on the same page."
Okay.
Except that my book doesn't have page numbers and I think I tore the cover off years ago.
And so it goes.