Inside This Mind.

02.11.2007 * 11:10 a.m.
How I know it's bad.

I am in love with sleeping. You could even say we are romantically involved, sleep and I. Bedtime is never to be fought with and any opportunity for sleeping in is always to be seized. When I lie down at night I'm usually unconscious in a matter of moments. Lying awake for anything more than twenty minutes is horrendous.

That's just how I work, which is why the past week has been killing me.

It started off with the early awakening. My cats are partly to blame, but they are not the only reason I was waking up at 5am and unable to fall asleep again for two hours. That happened during most of the week, but since I had already gotten a full night's sleep, it wasn't unbearable, just annoying. However, since it was my week between jobs, I evenually dozed off again and often slept past ten, which was a very good thing.
Then the problem progressed. Thursday night I tossed and turned, but could not fall asleep. (It probably only lasted half an hour, but that feels like an eternity to me.) The muscles in my neck wouldn't relax, I felt too tense to enjoy the comfort of my warm bed and soft pillows. I eventually slept, but a few hours later I awoke with a thousand thoughts in my head. I couldn't relax, I couldn't focus, my mind was screaming with fears and plans of my week to come. After about an hour and a half of that, I decided to write in my paper journal, which somehow managed to settle me down enough so that I could sleep. Friday night, the same thing happened, only instead of writing I woke up my boyfriend and had a heated discussion about all of our differences and my doubts and fears about the relationship, which was good but not terribly soothing. Saturday night was no different, I awoke in the middle of the night with my mind racing. I made plans and mental notes of things I need to do over the next few days, but I couldn't quiet down my brain. I got out of bed in search of animal therapy. I was house-sitting, so I went into the room where the cats were sleeping and snuggled between them. Hearing their purrs as I pet them made me feel a little calmer, so I eventually went back to sleep.
This is upsetting me and since I still have another week before I have students, I'm thinking this next week is going to be just as bad, if not worse.

Thank goodness it's Sunday. I need church.
I also need a really good massage.