Inside This Mind.

01.28.2005 * 4:59 p.m.
$#!%*

My head is full of foul four-letter words! I NEED TO GET THEM OUT!!! Preferably by some route other than my mouth. Seriously. I think I need a nap. And a bar of soap.

01.27.2005 * 10:41 p.m.
"coming out of my cage and i've been doing just fine..."

[WARNING: This entry is extremely random and jumps from topic to topic faster than you can say "my right hand is falling asleep." Consider yourself warned.]
A quick look at my records will reveal that I do not prepare for exams too far ahead of time. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that my attempts to study for two midterms that are four days away have been futile. I'm going to try again once I'm done writing this, I promise. ...I'm betting I won't succeed and I'll just go to sleep early instead...

Today I bought The Killers cd from iTunes. Finally. Been wanting that album for quite some time.

(Side Note: Thanks for giving me my daily dose of you. I needed that.)

I like biology. I went to the doctor yesterday. I have mild asthma of the coughing variety as opposed to the wheezy kind. Rockin'. I got a couple of prescriptions filled (at Costco, where I also purchased Goldfish Crackers -excellent!- and Mary Poppins on dvd!) and I'm looking forward to experiencing the results of said medications.

This morning in the shower, while reaching for my soap, I was mesmerized by the back of Tanya's shampoo bottle. It said "Wildly Exciting is our normal." Really? I want wildly exciting to be my normal.

[I told you this entry was all over the place, so don't act surprised. Proceed with caution.]
PMS is a very real thing and it screws me up. I do not experience the stereotypically assumed mood instability. My moods are fine, my emotions are normal. If I get moody its because of strange discomforts, increased appetite, and excessive sleepiness. Being hungry and tired makes me crabby regardless of what's going on in my reproductive tract, and that's a fact.

The Dee saw the famous 'Truckstop Hussy' photo for the first time and said that I should be a model. For some reason, his compliments are always extremely delightful.

01.26.2005 * 3:00 p.m.
Georgie Porgie Puddin' Pie kissed the girls and made them cry...

Today my big brother is 25 years old.

Monday night at fhe we each talked about a person we admired. Shortly after I shared, I wished I had spoken about my brother instead.

When I was born he called me his baby. When he came to the hospital to visit his brand new baby sister he brought me a teddy bear. That little bear sat in the corner of my crib, he was snuggled close to my heart while I slept as a child, he served as a playmate when I couldn't fall asleep at night, he dried my tears when I cried alone. That little bear is again sitting in the corner of my bed, always close, right next to my head while I'm sleeping. That, the first gift of love from my big brother.

Change followed change, we grew up. I moved away to college, he got very ill.

That young man has gone through some of the hardest struggles I have seen anyone endure. He lost his identity, he lost his motivation, he lost his sense of self, his friends, and his passions. Yet, through all the nightmarish hell he has faced, he has never given up. I'm sure he's wanted to at times. He may not know what keeps him going, but he pushes through regardless. It must be terrifying. He possesses bravery, ingenuity, strength and humility in excess. I don't know how he does it.

For a short time in every little sister's life, she admiringly looks up to her big brother as a role model. My little secret is that I've never ceased to admire mine.