Inside This Mind.

02.01.2005 * 11:22 p.m.
so I like to wear old, over-sized men's dress shirts. they're comfy.

Have you ever exhaled completely and felt your chest kind of click? Just on the right side, in one particular spot, a little "click-click" like a joint that creaks every time you bend in a certain direction? Well I have. This can't be normal. I have come to the conclusion that I am slowly falling apart. Piece by piece, I am breaking, and one day you'll look for me only to find a pile of ashes where a girl once stood. You'll then know that I was struck by lightning for all of the blasphemy that had come out of my mouth. That or I spontaneously combusted.

In other news: today was beautiful, lazy, and generally unproductive, but it turned out well. I like this Spaniard a lot and that makes me ridiculously happy. My roommates are amazing and I like the phrases we quote on the whiteboard, even if they border on inappropriate. Hopefully I'll remember to erase them tomorrow before the missionaries come over for dinner.

My mom is going to be here on Saturday. I'm not sure what we're going to do all weekend but it's bound to be fun times. I'm extremely fond of that lady.
And I'm extremely fond of you.

01.31.2005 * 11:59 p.m.
J'aime quand tu parles en espagnol.

This year has been happening for one month now... wow. Time flies when you're having fun, I guess.
Today was one of those Mondays made stressful by two midterms, exhausting by several hours of work, painful by cramps, and nauseating by lack of sufficient sleep. Mondays are busy days, but I love them because they are a balance of school, work, churchiness, and friends. So the good evened out the bad and I smiled, snuggled, laughed, and felt happy. Though I'm still exhausted. Sleep is next on my list of things to do.

I was looking at some pictures that Jamie took and I couldn't help thinking that my friends are one attractive bunch of people. Seriously. My roommates are beautiful. I kept finding myself looking at one particular boy in these photos (who wasn't making silly faces for a change) and thinking, "Wow. He's pretty good looking." Hmmm...

When hymns are constantly playing in my home, it's impossible to feel sad.

01.29.2005 * 4:04 p.m.
Study Break.

You'll be pleased to know (if you even care) that I have actually been productive for the past two hours. Mostly. But now it's time for my mind to ramble and not think about midterms.

Listening to a random bunch of music while studying. "Fell Away" came on. I miss the Shallow boys. I miss sitting in a garage and listening to my best friends rock out to music that they made all by themselves. I miss the days when my life was secure and solid. I miss knowing where I would be in a year. I miss waking up and breathing in optimism. I miss a time that is forever gone. F O R E V E R GONE. sooo weird when I take a second to think about it. I can never have the past back. I really don't want it back, I don't. I can still miss it though. I can miss the people. The music. The way I felt when I had a plan, when I thought I knew everything, when I thought I had it all figured out. Maybe I grew up a little -as unlikely as that sounds- because now I know that I most certainly do not have it all figured out, and I'm smart enough to realize that I probably never will.