Inside This Mind.

02.19.2005 * 5:58 p.m.
Happy Birthday Nathan!

happiness is: rain-wet hair. being a disheveled, windblown mess. muddy and sandy feet. being told i'm beautiful. thunder rattling my chest. laughing with a full house of friends. knowing that an old friend has his life together, finally. knowing that a good friend has gone through the temple. watching a beautiful friend dressed as a pirate shout "i'm not going to be a virgin anymore." breathing. being alive.

I like the way I feel.
I like the way I feel with him. It's like standing in a rainstorm watching the lightning and absorbing the thunder. Maybe it's not the smartest of things... but it is exciting and refreshing, and it feels strangely like home.
I like the way I feel.

02.15.2005 * 11:38 a.m.
it's real.

Welcome to February 15th, 2005.
I'm terribly fond of today.

It got a nice headstart with an amazing yesterday and a smile that stuck to my face for several hours. Even if yesterday hadn't been made downright fantastic with flowers delivered to my work and delicious mystery food by the ocean, today would be incredible in it's own right.

Today it has been two years since I entered the waters of baptism. Two years ago today I was surrounded by people I love who were supporting me in the most important decision I will ever make. Two years ago today my life changed with a simple act.
So much has happended since then. People have died, people have been born. Doubts have come and they have gone. Words have been read and heard and spoken and felt. I have become something that I might never have become on my own. Though really, I haven't changed at all. That's the greatest part. This is who I've always been, what I've always been, what I've always known but couldn't find tucked deep beneath the surface of my sometimes rough exterior. But I found it, and two years ago today, I made it real.

This is the happiest place I've been. This is the safest thing I've known. This is the most free I've felt.

Don't ever let me screw this up.