Inside This Mind.

06.15.2005 * 2:53 p.m.
legs of steel broke another bike.

I have a book by Gordon B. Hinckley called "Stand A Little Taller" with a daily scripture and comment. Today's seems rather fitting:

To everything there is a season. -Ecclesiastes 3:1
"There are seasons in out lives, seasons when we can prepare and work, when the sun shines and the air is warm. And there are other seasons when the storms of life would beat upon us and destroy us if they could. Summer is the time of preparation against the harshness of winter."

Exactly.

06.15.2005 * 11:11 a.m.
and then morning comes.

I had to use some of Ian's laundry detergent to wash my clothes because I ran out and was feeling way too lazy to drive to the store this morning. Now my clothes smell like Mountain Fresh Tide or something along those lines, and it's a clean clothes smell that I ordinarily don't associate with myself. It's entirely possible that I'll be having identity issues while wearing these differently smelling clothes, I'm just warning you.

Yesterday afternoon I helped my dear friend McKay move out. Boxes of books and random stuff were put into his car for storage. His computer and bed were put into his future apartment for storage. His suitcases were shoved into my car. We returned loads of books to the UCSB Library. (Ouch! Those books just fly onto pads on the floor and the paperbacks were getting bent and it broke my poor sweet book-loving heart to watch.) Then, I dropped the Dee himself off at the bus stop. He's on his way to China for the summer and when he gets back I will be gone. It's sad to say goodbye to some of these people that have played influential roles in my life over the past few years. McKay is a good little man. I hope we keep in touch.

I'm thinking about the dreams that someone else had last night. I don't remember my dreams from last night or the night before, but I do from the night before that. It's probably better for me right now to not be able to remember all of my dreams too clearly. If I wake up with a very vivid memory of my lifelike dreams I end up missing the person I was dreaming about. That or I just don't want to get out of bed so that I can keep on dreaming. I guess that's a little silly of me, but I've always been a bit of a dreamer. I think that's perfectly okay. From time to time, dreams serve as a place to meet with the ones I love when I can't be with them in the daytime.

(I hope your dreams come true.)

06.14.2005 * 1:57 p.m.
envious. in a good way.

Maybe if I hadn't picked up his final and been reminded of how extremely intelligent, hardworking, and brilliant he is, maybe if I hadn't spent the past three hours talking with Tanya about how great her man is and in turn thinking about how absolutely amazing my (ex)man is, maybe if Todd hadn't just called me to see if we could do something as a double date, maybe if everything that has been important to me in the past six months didn't reverberate with his presence, if every moment with him wasn't full of happiness and smiles, if I didn't feel complete with him beside me, maybe if we weren't so well suited for each other I wouldn't be missing him this much.

But as it is, I am.