Inside This Mind.

07.08.2005 * 5:59 p.m.
The 4th week: survived.

The traffic to and from LAX on a Friday is icky. Thankfully, I wasn't driving. I accompanied Brit on this adventure to pick up her sister and friend. The last time I was at that airport was to pick up an amazing friend on New Year's Eve. Surprising how the time has flown. Today time did not fly... two hours down, two hours there, three hours back. My legs felt like jello when I got out of the car. At least I saw the angel Moroni on top of the temple from the highway. That always makes me happy.

07.08.2005 * 1:08 a.m.
Today my heart flew off to South Africa.

I spent a good amount of my day sorting through and packing my belongings. I do my best to live modestly, but I still manage to have massive amounts of stuff. Clothes that I keep in case I decide to wear them one more time, even though I haven't put them on all year. Knick-knacks and souvenirs, cards and letters, pictures and papers and poetry. My room is full of scattered scraps of my life, bits and pieces of moments or memories that make my existence real. And I'm packing it all up again.
How odd that I'm moving back to my parents' house after being away these four years. How odd to have to make my high school bedroom into my graduate home for a while. There will be some rearranging of furniture, there will be a fair share of redecorating, but with a bit of effort I think I will be able to find peace there. How very odd.

Tonight my friend sent me a song that he wrote and finished recording today. I sat here listening, tears streaming down my face. It's called Tribulation, and it's beautiful. Amazingly beautiful.
I cried for his loss, for his pain, out of love and out of a strange sense of peace from knowing that he is grieving by making music, by using his talents and being productive. My tears for him drew forth tears for my own hurt, my own fear.

Love and attachment make us vulnerable and can cause us to ache and grieve more deeply than any other emotions. However, without the hurt we would know no joy. If we can learn from the pain, we will grow. Love and all of the hurt that comes with it makes us into better humans. Love has made me the person I am today, and because of it I can look her face to face in the mirror and smile.