Inside This Mind.

04.05.2005 * 11:46 p.m.
everyone can read it, but this is really only for one of you.

Sometimes it feels like I'm falling apart, like I'm breaking and little pieces of me are tumbling down in a graceless shower, landing in a mess at my feet. The fact is, when I talk with you and rest my head against you and hear your heartbeat close to mine, I breathe calmer. I don't know why. I don't think I'm meant to understand. All I know is that you say the most beautiful words and give me the greatest compliments a man could ever give. I really don't know if I deserve them. How do you manage to keep my feet grounded but make me float at the same time? You bring me immense happiness and that's all I ever hoped for. You're all I ever hoped for.

No one ever means to fall in love, but it's always worth the inconvenience.

04.05.2005 * 4:17 p.m.
I think it's a valid point.

Yesterday I didn't want to get out of bed. I woke up before my alarm went off and set it for half-an-hour later. Twice. I had that depressed "I want to sleep all day!" mindset. This morning was the opposite and I hopped out of bed energetically. I was happy to greet the day and ready to take on the crap of the world, all with a smile on my face. I don't know how to explain the difference, but it might have to do with hormones. The weirdest part of it all is that my energy levels switch at right about this time in the afternoon. Yesterday I was slow and groggy in the morning, but after work I was bouncing off the walls. This morning Erin asked me how I managed to be so awake, and now all I want to do is take a nap. What is going on here?! It's the 4pm swap where energy spikes or drops, whichever moves it furthest from the previous level. Climb aboard, it's quite a ride.

In other news, I'm wearing a button-up shirt that is blue with pink stripes. I got it from The Salvation Army in L-town over Christmas break. (At least I think it was then. Trev was home, so it was probably Christmas time. Or was it Thanksgiving? How many of you actually care? Zero. That's what I thought. Back to the point of this story.) I think the shirt is just okay but other people seem to like it a lot. I guess I'm wearing it more for the enjoyment of others than for myself. Does that make me a sell-out? The way I see it is that they're the ones who have to look at me, so I might as well make the world happy. It's not like I actually care what I'm wearing.

Besides, the dumpster on Cordoba says "God sees you naked."