Inside This Mind.

07.31.2005 * 5:09 p.m.
Sundays are different here.

I didn't know I had such a profound impact on the lives of so many people. Apparently the old roommates can't make it to church on time without me there to make sure they wake up. Apparently my favorite person can't remember to mail something without a gentle reminder from yours truly. (Just so you know, this is me whining: I neeeeeeeed it! Please mail it soon! hehehe.)

I miss getting ready for church with my girls. I miss driving there with someone in my car. I miss looking around the chapel and seeing a room full of familiar faces. I did meet some nice people today, so that was good. And so it goes.

07.31.2005 * 9:07 a.m.
twitchy.

Last night I saw the movie The Island. Apparently it soaked into my brain a little too well. This morning I woke up early (like I tend to do) all twitchy and ready to run from the bad guys or pull a gun on one of them. I went back to sleep for the past two hours but my dreams were more of the same. Running, conspiracy and lack of trust, strange places and unfamiliar people. How very odd.

07.30.2005 * 11:33 p.m.
Eve6's "Here's to the Night" just came on my iTunes...

Just so you know, I do still have a few friends in this town and I have not spent the past two nights sitting indoors alone. Thank goodness.

I want so badly to write something amazing, to release thousands of ideas and feelings in little typed letters. But I don't know what to say. Inside my chest there is a tickle and a rattle (I need to go to the doctor) and a heart beating bravely, but the words I want are not to be found. There are smeared remains of black eyeliner around my eyes, and I've tried, but I can't find the words I need there on my skin. I've searched the blue fabric of my striped pajama pants, I've studied the voices vibrating through the air, but I still can't find the words I seek.

I am content but I am restless. I am afraid of the unknown and afraid that everything is unknown. I say things without knowing what I mean, but I've meant every word I've ever said. And I don't know the number of miles that are between us. A nation. An ocean. Space is big, time is even bigger, but neither is real when a large enough perspective is used to view the matter.

07.29.2005 * 6:47 p.m.
seven down, approximately one-hundred and thirteen to go. ;)

If today is really Friday then that means I survived another week. Hooray! Time is flying, which is definitely a good phenomenon, but that means that the dreaded reality of applying and getting into school is swiftly approaching. I despise the application process.

Work today went smashingly well, so I am happy. This office just treats dogs and cats, so I am going to miss seeing exotic animals. Plus, I won't have any fun stories about lizards or parrots or guinea pigs or snakes. Shame.

I miss having friends! It's Friday night and I don't know what I'm going to do. I called several friends but none of them answered. Just to get out of the house, I think I'll go out to Chinese food with my parents. Plus, mmmm... Chinese food. I really hope my friends call me back. I miss Janya! I miss Nathan! I miss people! I've been spoiled by all of you amazing friends this past year. And so it goes.

I promise, I am okay.