Inside This Mind.

10.12.2005 * 8:51 p.m.
sarcotic.

I really have nothing to say but I have an compulsive need to write here.

My brain is twitchy.
Earlier this evening is was remembering how I've stood in the rain and been kissed by a man who loves me. I've disappeared in the fog in the arms of a man I love. I've sat in the sun, in the sand, next to a man with whom I would be completely happy to spend eternity.
Right now it is very hard for me to imagine feeling that way for anyone else. I know it is possible, it has happened before. I know I have been in love, fallen out of love, and moved on to a greater love. However, this time around I have not fallen out and am in fact still stuck in the thick of this beautiful mess called love. I like it here. The dizziness is strangely comforting. For now, I have no reason to leave. My health isn't failing, my mind is still as much in tact as it has ever been, and I am tremendously happy. I do miss him, as is to be expected, but that is okay. What he is doing with his life is the only thing I want him to be doing right now, and he is doing it properly. He is a good man. He makes me ridiculously happy. Maybe he is a dream, a mere fantasy that will always color my life as a pure, joyful memory. Or maybe he is a part of my future and a part of my forever.
Maybe you've figured out that I am trusting in God; if it is meant to be, it will be. Maybe you've figured out that I am keeping my fingers crossed.

(Maybe this is too personal for me to post on the internet. Maybe I'm going to do it anyway.)

10.11.2005 * 10:59 p.m.
spinning head.

I cling to the little accomplishments in life when everything around me seems to be moving in slow motion and warp speed simultaneously. (How does it do that anyway?) On Sunday my IVIC rolled on over to 20,000 miles and I celebrated with a super friend over the phone. On Monday I managed to hit a wiffle ball both times I was up to bat, and I even made it to first base once. Today I received notice that I passed all three subsets of the CSET and therefore have met all the prereqs for the teaching credential program to which I applied. My friend just called me "smarty pants" and then said that "smart is hot." Excellent.