Inside This Mind.

10.21.2005 * 9:33 p.m.
nineteen.

It's Friday. High-Five, it's Friday. And I'm expecting this to be a good weekend.

..........

And holy cow, every place I go something or someone makes me think of him. Every single place I go.
Tonight, I took my parents to a "Musical Celebration of the Prophet Joseph Smith." I was just sitting there feeling happy that my parents came, hoping that they'll feel something or learn something from the experience. And then a guy that I haven't seen since high school taps me on my shoulder. How exciting! I say hi, we chat for a bit. I know that he got back from a mission not too long ago so I ask where he served. And where oh where in the whole wild world do you think he served? Freaking Madrid, Spain. Sure enough, he knows Elder Spaniard's dad, the bishop. Of course he does. OF COURSE.
Even if I wanted to get him out of my mind I wouldn't be able to.

And now I miss him.

10.20.2005 * 7:38 p.m.
digesting.

I'm trying this new thing. Again. It's called exercising, maybe you've heard of it? I've had an on again off again love affair with sit-ups and the like for many many years. I'm trying to work things out between us so that we can be on good terms again. I've also decided (actually, I decided this nearly a year ago, but I've decided to reaffirm that decision anew now) to get a little cardio exercise each day. I don't want to exercise for my body image, or my weight. (Goodness knows I don't want to go losing weight and end up blowing away!) I want to exercise for my physical, mental and spiritual health. I'm going to stick with it this time. For real. I'm serious! Stop laughing! Okay, okay... I'm going to try extra hard to stick with it.

Anyhow, the point of all that was to get to this: I went for a jog yesterday and a bike ride today. For some strange reason, moving through the streets by a means other than a car made me look at them differently. So much has taken place in the twelve years that my family has lived in this neighborhood. Today I passed the park where I used to practice soccer. Houses stand where horses grazed just ten years ago. The baby pines that I remember lining the edge of the park are large, well established trees now. I rode past the spot where I had a first kiss. I continued on, past my old street, so full of memories. Pedalled past the house where my friend lived while she was still alive. Everything is the same, but everything is different.

The most poignant difference is in myself.

I would not be the person I am today if it were not for the experiences I have had and the people with whom I have shared my heart. I would not have met those influential people if it were not for the places I have been and the decisions I have made.
I can look in the mirror and be happy with the person I see. I live my life for me and that is refreshing, but I have also noticed that many of my actions are motivated by, well, something else. As cheesey as it sounds, just like that good old Bryan Adams song from Robin Hood, everything I do, I do it for you...