Inside This Mind.

01.16.2006 * 2:34 p.m.
already tired.

I'm procrastinating again, because that's what I do when I have homework. Being studious is going to be much here in my parent's house in L-town than it was in SB. I don't know why exactly, but I think it might have to do with the fact that many of my friends here are out of school, so they don't have the same type of schedule as me. Also, I have a cat sitting on my lap right now. She's a bit needy and always finds her way onto my lap, even though the couch surrounding me is covered with books and I already have a laptop on my lap. None of that phases her, she will be curled up here, squashed between me and my iBook. If she weren't so darn cute I would push her out of the way, but I'm a sucker like that.

I need to go read now. I'd really rather take a nap...

01.14.2006 * 5:01 p.m.
He's still my favorite, #7 or not.

I didn't have school yesterday but I still had to go to campus to buy a couple textbooks that came in late. After dropping a hefty sum of money at the Pioneer Bookstore I decided to drive on out to the Oakland Temple. Why the heck not? I was already halfway there and, considering the quality of the past two weeks, I figured the peace and beauty of the place would do me good. So I went. Once there, my first instinct was to cry, just sob and let my frustrations and fear and anxiety pour out of me in a wave of tears. I started to, but suddenly the urge left me and I felt quiet. I sat down on a bench and enjoyed the quiet music coming from the disguised speaker behind me. The roaring fountain and gentle sound of flowing water were soothing. The trees and the light of the cloudy sky were lovely. I grabbed a trusty copy of The Book of Mormon from the trunk of my car and read a random chapter. I took several pictures of the temple with the sun shining blindingly behind and above it, like a halo of light behind Christ's head in early Renaissance paintings. I walked slowly and looked around, drinking in the peaceful calm of my surroundings. A newly married couple was being photographed, thronged by loved ones and family. I looked at them and smiled, knowing that they are now eternally sealed. Eternity. There is so much more in store for each of us than the present. There is so much more than what is happening right now. (Thank goodness, because my right now is terribly depressing in one respect. We don't know the whereabouts of my brother and it's storming and cold outside, and he refuses to get help because he doesn't think he needs it, and let's face it, no one can help someone who doesn't want to be helped.) It was unbelievably comforting to take a moment out of my day to step out of the world and feel peace. To breathe deeply and remember that there is so much more than this, and that there is a plan for everyone. I love living so close to a temple.

In completely different news... I got a new cell phone. Mom and I finally did the official switch from AT&T to Cingular and we had to get new phones as a result. Oh darn. Now I am finally caught up with the rest of the cell phone carrying population and have a camera phone. A flip phone, mind you. It even has video capability, but I haven't played with that yet. One sad, silly testament to my strangeness... now I won't have Nathaniel programmed as a speed dial anymore. Granted, the number that was set on speed dial will never be valid for him again and would in fact call an unsuspecting resident of Anacapa Hall. But he was speed dial number seven and I wasn't going to change it unless I magically got so many new friends that I needed to replace it. (I know, I'm weird.) But now (because I'm not that weird, mind you) I won't be progamming him back on to speed dial, so he will no longer be lucky number seven. I don't know how I feel about that...