Inside This Mind.

03.10.2006 * 10:06 p.m.
I'm still a mess.

I wrote that last entry nine hours ago and have had a fantabulous time between then and now.

When I got to the Cowboy's house I swapped the Spaniard's hat for a camouflage baseball hat. We drove into the hills, him taking the turns at a speed just fast enough to make me tense up at every bend. I didn't mind though, especially after we drove high enough for me to stare at the little pockets of snow on the hills. That distracted me in the best way.
I smiled wider than I've smiled in a long time. I stuck my head out of the window to let the little snowflakes hit my face. I was one ecstatic girl.
We drove onto his friend's property. His little Honda made it up a hill that some trucks couldn't handle, and that made me laugh. I wore his warm camouflage jacket and woolly mittens as we walked along the hillsides. I carried a rifle for him in case we came across a wild pig that was out of range for his shotgun. Yes, I frolicked on the hillside with a redneck hunter man and we were carrying guns. Strange? Maybe a little, but in a completely new, good way. (I really like this boy.)

The absolute silence of the landscape and the peaceful beauty of nature were perfect and magical, but the falling snow made it heaven. Heaven, I tell you. I turned my face into the wind and let the snowflakes land on my eyelashes and nose, I caught them on my tongue and lips, I breathed in the fresh air and felt complete.

I felt at home.

Today was like walking on the beach in Santa Barbara with the sun on my face and the cold water biting my ankles. Mother nature was wrapping her arms around me and promising me that everything is going to be alright.
And it will.

03.10.2006 * 12:44 p.m.
a three and a nine.

I'm a mess.
Not literally. I'm actually a rather tidy individual and I place personal hygiene high on my list of all things important. Figuratively, however, I'm really a mess.

I have no idea what I'm doing in my personal life. Making mistakes, probably, but then again, I'm not so sure. Being not so sure is where it all gets messy.

Right now I am going to put on the Spaniard's hat and go for a hike with the Cowboy. See what I mean?
A mess.