Inside This Mind.

04.04.2006 * 5:48 p.m.
under water.

I've gotten really lazy. I am extremely good at wasting my time and doing a whole lot of nothing.
This morning, opening my eyes gave me a headache, so I didn't go to kindergarten. I slept in and rested the day away. I went to the elementary school briefly to do an assessment with a kid for a homework assignment, I got a load of laundry washed, and I sat around with the Cowboy. That's really the extent of my activities for the day. Now I am distraction free and supposed to be doing homework. I clearly am not on task. Big freaking surprise.

I've got a lot on my mind but I'm doing an extremely good job of not focusing on any of it. There are a lot of personal thoughts dancing around, a lot of me trying to decide what I want exactly. This Cowboy is a good man, a really good man. I wouldn't mind keeping him around for a long time. The problem is, he's not capable of seeing a temple marriage in his future. That's the only kind of marriage I'm willing to have. So what am I doing, falling closer and closer to love with this handsome rebel? I can't explain it. I know it has something to do with my gut instincts, and I tend to follow those because they're usually created by something bigger than me. I also know that he and I have a deep personal or spiritual connection where we share each other's thoughts and know exactly when and how to be there for the other person. That kind of connection is too much for me to ignore.

I wish my head would stop feeling like it does.