Inside This Mind.

01.10.2007 * 6:30 p.m.
cat nap

I fell asleep for an hour, curled up in a ball next to my cats. Sadly, my head feels as silly now as it did when I placed it upon my pillow. I am tired and drained. My mind and emotions are on high-alert all day. My eyes dart in every direction and my ears strain to know every conversation in the room. Regardless of my efforts, I know I miss so many little rudenesses, pranks, and mistakes. At the end of the day, my spirit is tired. My body is in need of exercise; just a little walk to get the blood circulating, or maybe a quick run to add some pink to my pale cheeks. It would do me good to tire out my body and keep everything in balance. As it is though, I'm strangely worn out and restless simultaneously and I'm not sure of how to spend my free time.

Think about how the kids in your classes (or even you) treated substitutes. Now imagine being one. Yeah, it's good but it's hard.

01.08.2007 * 4:23 p.m.
who knows where I'll be tomorrow.

I don't have anything new to report, sorry.

I worked at my old high school today, which was weird. I subbed for a woman who graduated with my brother, which is also weird. But at least I got to do stuff today, and I get paid for it, so that rocked.

Life is sort of weird right now... I don't have plans, I'm just living day to day. That's abnormal for me and I'm not sure yet if I like it or not.

01.04.2007 * 8:49 a.m.
cowardice

This subbing deal is a difficult concept for me. I like the fact that at the end of the day I can walk away from a job and be completely done. There is nothing to take home, no work to grade or lessons to plan and that is refreshing. However, I need more stability than this. Yesterday I worked, today it doesn't appear that I will, tomorrow I do have a job. I've spent the past few evenings repeatedly calling the sub system or checking online with very little success. Then, when the computerized lady calls me and offers perfectly acceptable jobs, I turn them down because I am afraid of subbing in uncharted territories.
What is that about?
I feel kind of pathetic. I half-expected this sort of behavior, but I really thought I had more confidence than this.

I'm a silly girl.